Here's the Thing! 27/06/24

What's your Rider requirement?

Here’s the Thing!

Let's get straight to the point!

What's your Rider requirement?

“Rider” — a condition or proviso added to something already agreed.

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Last Saturday morning, at about eight-thirty or so, I was sitting by the beach in a chiringuito in Torre del Mar having a coffee with two old friends visiting from the UK. They’d both just had an early morning sea swim prior to checking out of their apartment to fly home later that day.

One of them caught me unawares saying she’d recently read — really enjoyed, and found fascinating — one of Brad Kyle’s Tune Tag’s, featuring yours truly. Don’t get me wrong, ALL of Brad’s articles ARE fascinating — I just had not realised my friend was following my Substack shenanigans…

Tune Tag #27 with Nic Briscoe, Pt. 2: Jeff Buckley, Red Hot Chili Peppers, David Bowie, 10cc, Wax + One Historic 150-Year-Old Piano

As we were talking, a track from Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy started playing quietly in the background over the bar’s speakers — "Someone Saved My Life Tonight".

My friend’s ears pricked up and she asked me if had I ever met Elton John (and had I an anecdote to share)… well, I had (and I have), and what usually happens when someone asks me something like this is that I get an overwhelming sudden rush of ancient memory fragments, from thirty or forty or more years ago, and on the fly, I have to grasp one, edit out anything not fit for human consumption or that should remain private, and then try to coherently reconstruct something…

The first thing, the very first fragment, that came into my head, well, I immediately abandoned trying to recount and explain it, however, I will attempt it here.

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During the mid-80s I signed a songwriting publishing contract with Intersong Music, in London, which very soon afterwards became subsumed by Warner Chappell. I was also working as a freelance sound engineer, mainly at Maison Rouge Studios in Fulham Broadway. Maison Rouge had an in-house bar and restaurant, and it had become a favoured meeting spot for many music industry professionals. On a regular basis, maybe once a month at very least, various members of various industry networks would meet there socially, to catch up, share information, do deals etc etc. One such group were ‘radio pluggers’. I’m doubting that such a profession exists anymore (does it?), however, back in the day, if you wanted your single played on the airwaves, you needed the services of a radio plugger, especially if you wanted to get your song played during prime-time on the UK’s BBC Radio 1 or one of the big independent stations, like London’s Capitol Radio. A radio plugger would take a bunch of singles into a radio station, and, well, plug them — try to get the station to play them. Probably most recording artists would like to think that all of this was decided upon based solely on the merits of how great a song/record was… sadly 99.9% of the time this was NOT the case. It entirely depended upon how well-connected your radio plugger was, and how persuasive he or she could be… and unfortunately during that time probably the most success-guaranteed persuasion tactic used to tip the balance, and get a radio producer and/or their super-star prime-time DJ onboard, was, well, a wrap of coke, or two, or three…

Anyway, one such radio plugger, who frequented Maison Rouge’s bar had kind of like the Midas touch — you gave him your record, he’d for sure get it on the airwaves, primetime and all the time. I forget his name, I think it was Gary, so I’ll call him Gary.

Gary's reputation meant he got to plug all the big stars (just for example, Elton John), and especially he worked closely with tour promoters, ensuring that artists that were scheduled to play at, for example, Wembley Stadium, were all over the radio, all over the UK during the weeks leading up to the show.

Gary was dating Debbie, who was an exec’s PA at Warner Chappell Publishing, and she had become a friend of mine, and also the friend of my songwriting partner, Jaime Petrie. We all sometimes hung out together at nightclubs, and once in a while Debbie would come to Maison Rouge’s bar with Gary, and we’d hang out there.

Just coincidently Debbie was living in a flat next door to a mutual friend of Jaime and I’s, and he and I quite often just hung out there, with our mutual friend, smoking joints, having a laugh, listening to music loud…

One evening, we were doing exactly that, listening to some LP full blast, when all of a sudden there was this horrendously loud rhythmic (but totally out of time with our music) banging on our friend’s lounge wall. I immediately turned down the music, thinking it was some neighbours complaining, however, the rhythmic banging continued and with the music turned down there were also audible but muffled screams, from a woman. Jaime and I looked quizzically at our friend, who immediately just shrugged and rolled his eyes saying “Oh, that’s just Debbie and Gary… shagging… again!!” Apparently, Debbie’s bedroom shared a wall with our friend’s lounge and that rhythmic noise was her wooden bed’s headboard —which had gradually, over time, due to Gary’s almost superhuman coke-fuelled prowess, worked itself loose — being bashed against the wall.

It was thereby decreed that from that day forth Debbie’s new nickname, much to her painfully red embarrassment, was ‘Headboard’.

And, whenever we addressed her as ‘Headboard’ other people would enquire as to why… of course Jaime and I were both more than happy to proffer a detailed explanation.

Anyway, due to our contract with Warner Chappell, our friendship with Headboard, and her love affair with Gary, and Gary’s connection with Wembley Stadium’s tour promoters, well, Jaime and I got comped VIP tickets and backstage passes to several big shows at Wembley Stadium — Michael Jackson, Prince, James Brown, U2, and many others, including on one occasion Gary’s client, Elton John.

For this gig, not only did we get VIP tickets, and backstage passes, but we also got invites (along with Gary and Headboard) to both a pre-event gathering in Elton’s private green room and an aftershow party.

Anyway, I’m sure you can imagine, so I’m not going to bore you with all the Elton afterparty details here, and what happens in a green room, well, it stays in a green room, apart from…

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If these anecdotes capture your interest, for a fuller taste perhaps you also may like these articles:

Also, for unique behind-the-scenes insights, check out Brad Kyle of Front Row & Backstage’s series: The Nic Of Time, just for example:

The Nic of Time #1: Nic Briscoe, London Studio Engineer, 1985: The Stars, The Sounds, The Songs

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…well, perhaps apart from this…

Going to Elton John’s Wembley Stadium show, and these kinds of huge high-profile live events, and, during my music business career, probably hundreds of similar events, gigs, and festivals, well, I saw first-hand the results of a lot of star’s gig ‘riders’ — their personal conditions or provisos added to an existing agreement.

The things that Elton John had provided for him in his rider in his Wembley Stadium green room really stuck in my mind. I mean, of course, you’re going to expect superstars to demand that there are drugs, and alcohol, and vintage Champagne, and caviar, and all kinds of luxury food, obviously, and all of that was all there in Elton’s green room. However, what struck me most was the unbelievable amount — vases upon vases — of beautiful cut flowers and… the sweets… there were dozens of glass bowels, literally half a metre or more across and almost equally as deep rammed to the brim with Smarties, Jelly-Babies, Malteasers, Gummy Bears, M&M’s and Liquorice All Sorts etc, as well as boxes and upon countless boxes of chocolates of all shapes, flavours and sizes… talk about a sweet-tooth!

Anyway, this memory fragment, well, it got me wondering, what would you have on your rider if you were performing headline at somewhere like Wembley Stadium, or Carneighy Hall, or Sydney Opera House, or some big stadium arena size venue?

My essential rider items (mostly all for afterwards) would be…

• Shepheard’s Pie, with carrots, peas and gravy.

• Guinness Draught Extra Cold (a keg of).

• Balvenie Speyside single malt Caribbean casked 14-year-old Whisky (with a couple of crystal tumblers and a jug of spring water).

• American Spirit hand rolling tobacco, Rizzla medium weight small papers, and filters, with at least three smokes ready to go…

• Psilocybin infused chocolate truffles.

• A very small vile (with a pipette) of liquid acid, well diluted in Stolichnaya.

What would yours be?

What are your essential rider items?

Let me know in the comments…

Finally, here are a couple of songs written by Jaime Petrie and me, from around that time.

Enjoy!

“All Of This Confusion”

Lead vocal: Jaime, guitars: me, bass: Colin Baldry, keys: Tom Kane, sax: Bimbo Acock, backing vox: Jaimie and I with Obi, recording and production: me, with additional programming by Colin and Tom.

“Sugar In The Backyard”

Lead vocal: Jaime, guitars: me, bass: Colin Baldry, keys: Tom Kane, backing vox: Jaimie and I with Donna Gardier, Melinda Lay, & Obi, recording and production: me, with additional programming by Colin and Tom.

Jaime (left) and I, circa 1985

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Please note: I have another infotainment channel on Substack, called Unleashed & Unlimited, where I post podcasts, articles and content unrelated to music.🖋🎥🎙